Beginnings

Let me introduce myself. I'm a twenty-seven year old teacher in Canada, and I'm some sort of a Christian, I guess. I call myself Christian because I was brought up Baptist, and God is still very important to me. I don't have a traditional Christian concept of God anymore though, and I don't belong in churches. Churches frustrate and anger me, and I make my church friends uncomfortable. I joined a church that suited me in worship style, but it still had conservative theology. I tried to fit in there. I even became a youth leader, for a while. I stayed there for several years, and yet my heretical beliefs did not change. Some of my ideas are the same as they were when my rather open-minded parents shared them with me, and others I have developed into stronger, more controversial beliefs.

I understand why most people my age have grown up with no interest at all in religion. They learned about the wars and other horrors that have been committed in the name of God over the centuries, and they shake their heads. They see people judging others, and yet doing unloving and immoral things themselves, and they get disgusted. They see people living their lives according to strict religious morals and rules, and they know that they can get more out of life without such things. I understand. I have re-examined the rules and chosen which to keep myself. I have rejected the judgemental attitudes of church people and try to befriend people of many walks of life, not just righteous people. I don’t “witness” to anyone, or try to force my ideas on people. I don’t know that I am right about anything, and I have no right to preach to others.

I see why my generation has no time for religion, but I am not completely finished with it. I find myself in conflict because I have a connection to something that I think of as God, and I don’t want to let that go. I have always known that God is not limited to churches. Church leaders that forget that people could interact with God somewhere else, without their help, have often annoyed me. I know though, that it helps to have people to share faith and experiences with.

This past summer I was feeling the tug at war between needing to leave the church and needing to hang out with God. One of my friends suggested that I start my own religion. I laughed at him. Later I thought about it, and tried to start a group. I advertised in the local paper, and received emails from a number of interested people. Three times I have tried to meet with them, and three times no one has actually shown up. I am frustrated and sad, and still alone in my belief and interest in God. I will write here about my thoughts. I would love comments, but if you are a fundamentalist, please don’t bother trying to save me. I have grown up among fundamentalists, and their view of the world and God has not rubbed off on me. I don’t like to be absolutely sure of anything, but I’m reasonably sure that I’m never going to see the Bible as infallible.